Not Your Ordinary Mystery
by Kairi 'Shadow Sage' Taylor
Summary: The insane going on's at Saito High School continue. Even more annoying ghosts appear, the identity of the evil mastermind is revealed & the humor goes from frat boy to ecci in 0-60 seconds flat. Oh, & we learn something about Velma.
1. Who is Responsible For This?

Not Your Ordinary Mystery

Not Your Ordinary Mystery

By Kairi Taylor

(Kairi comes out from behind the curtain.)

Kairi: Greetings, everyone!! I decided to do something based on an anime that hasn't received enough attention. So, I had the Scooby Doo gang star in this slightly twisted tale. (Shaggy comes out on stage.)

Shaggy: Yeah, but like you didn't tell us WHICH anime man! Who are we visiting, the Gundam boys?

Kairi: Nah, not them. (Wufei jumps onto the stage.)

Wufei: Finally…I'm free from this weakling's incoherent babble. I won't have to suffer through his atrocities again!! JUSTICE!! JUS---

Kairi: URUSAI!! (Bashes Wufei in the skull with a Buddha statue.) Now, before I was interrupted, to get better exposure, this story will be placed in the Scooby section instead of the Anime section.

Shaggy: But like WHO are we visiting?

Kairi: You'll see…

And Now It's Time For…(wait for it…)

Not Your Ordinary Mystery 

**A Scooby Doo / Haunted Junction Story**

** **

(The Mystery Machine is driving down a street on a bright & sunny day in Japan. As usual, Fred is driving with Daphne next to him. In the back of the van, Velma's eating rice balls with Shaggy & Scooby. Or, at least, attempting…)

Velma: How can you two eat 200 consecutive plum flavored rice balls?

Shaggy: Simple physics. Like, we open our mouths & down the hatch!!

Scooby: Yeah! (Tosses rice balls into his mouth)

Daphne: Well, you should know better than to make sense of their eating habits. 

Fred: Yeah, but we won't have any time to eat on this mystery.

Shaggy: Yeah, but why are we in Japan?

Fred: There's supposedly a haunted high school somewhere around this neighborhood. All sorts of weird things have been seen.

Velma: Gee, wonder who'll be underneath the mask THIS time. 

Shaggy: With our luck, it might just BE haunted. 

Daphne: I hope so; I need something for my show. What was the name of that school again?

Fred: I think it was…**Saitou High School.**

Creepy Music: DA DA DAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Everyone: AHHHHHH

Shaggy: What the hell was that? (Kairi's head pops out from the rice balls)

Kairi: OHAIYO!!

Everyone: GAHHH!!!

Velma: Jinkies!!

Fred: What the hell are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be writing this?

Kairi: Oh don't mind me! I just came here to remind you that you're gonna encounter weird things like this…a lot.

Shaggy: Like what do you mean, 'weird'? (Kairi's head gets bigger & ghostlike.)

Kairi: Oh, you'll see. VERY SOON. (Kairi disappears)

Velma: Uh oh.

Fred: I think I know why the Gundam guys bowed outta this gig.

(Cut to Saitou High, at the Holy Student Council office. Haruto is frantically writing at the desk while Nino is frantically trying to get away from Asahina.)

Nino: I don't want to do it.

Asahina: C'mon Nino, try this swim trunks on! I'm sure you'll look cute in them.

Nino: But why do I have to get changed right in front of you?

Asahina: No reason. Oi, Kaichou, what are you doing?

Haruto: Don't stop me now!! And for the last time, don't call me that! I'm going to officially resign from the Holy Student Council today…& NOTHING IS GONNA STOP ME!!!

Asahina: But you do realize that Dejichou will just expel you if you do that?

Haruto: I realize that there is no chance in the world I'll EVER live a normal life! So I'll do the next best thing…live the life of a lone wolf!!

(Cut to a scene outta an old samurai film, completely in b&w. A bunch of ruffians are surrounding a young woman as Haruto wanders in, wearing a samurai's clothing.)

Ruffian 1: Who the hell are you?

Ruffian 2: Mind your damn business ronin, unless you wanna get killed.

Haruto: You bastards make me sick. Die!!

(The ruffians attack, but seconds later, they're cut down by Haruto's blade. The woman hugs Haruto.)

Woman: Domo Arigato, Haruto-kun!!

(Back to reality. Haruto is standing on the table, fist in the air as Asahina & Nino look at him as if he lost his damn mind.)

Haruto: That is the true life for me! 

Nino: The stress has finally got to him.

Asahina: He could only do s much as Kaichou.

(A few seconds later, Kazumi rushes into the room, panting heavily.)

Kazumi: Kaichou! Mitsuki-sempai!

Haruto: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

Kazumi: Those new ghost are out of control! I can't do anything to stop them!

Asahina: Well, maybe if you didn't spend so much time with Miss Hanako then MAYBE you could actually do something right!

Kazumi: That's the problem! They forced Miss Hanako from the boy's bathroom! She's hiding in the girl's bathroom now!

Asahina: That doesn't sound so bad. (Red Kamen floats in.)

R.Kamen: Actually it is. The girls can't use the stall that she's in now.

Haruto: So, what did Dejichou suggest?

Kazumi: I think he sent for a bunch of specialists from America to handle the job. They're called Mystery Inc, I believe.

Haruto: When are they coming?

(Cut to the gates of Saitou. Freddy & the gang are taking in the sight of the eerie school. Well, OK, so far it doesn't look like it's too eerie.)

Freddy: Hmm…looks normal.

Shaggy: That's exactly how most horror movies begin.

Velma: C'mon Shag, you're being too pessimistic! It's not like we'll see ghosts as soon as we arrive.

Daphne: Oh no? How about that? (A whole group of Ninomiya Sontokustatues run around the schoolyard as the gang looks on?)

Scooby: Rikes! (Jumps on Shaggy)

Velma: There has to be a rational explanation for this? (Dejichou arrives.)

Dejichou: Ah, so you must be those specialists from America I've hired. Mystery Inc. is it?

Fred: Yes, that's us.

Dejichou: Good to meet you. Come with me to the Holy Student Council room. The current Kaichou, Hoto Haruto, is waiting for us.

Haruto (O.S.): STOP CALLING ME KAICHOU!!!

Velma: Did we come at a bad time?

Dejichou: Oh, don't worry. He's always like that. Now, on to business!

(Cut to the Holy Student Council room with Mystery Inc. in the middle of a conversation with the Dejichou.)

Freddy: C'mon, are you serious? You don't really expect us to believe for one second that this place is really haunted?

Dejichou: You shouldn't be so doubtful. Especially since your little journey to Zombie Island.

Daphne: Wait a minute, how did you know about that? All the video footage was lost in quicksand!

Dejichou: That's easy. He told me. (Points to ghost of Moonscar the Pirate.)

Moonscar: Hey, how's it going?

Shaggy: AAAHHH!!! IT'S YOU AGAIN!! (Scooby & Shaggy hide under desk.)

Dejichou: He just happened to bring the tape with him all the way from New Orleans. If you kids will take the ob…

Freddy: We're not kids! We do attend college.

Dejichou: Yes, well, if you take on this case I'll include the tape as part of your payment.

Velma: Ok, sounds fine to me.

Shaggy: Like, I don't know about it man, I mean, what kinda ghosts are we dealing with?

Scooby Yeah? (As Scooby & Shaggy turn their heads, they come across Haruo & Bones Suzuki, a skeleton model & an anatomy model, also hiding under the desk.)

Haruo: Hey there!

Suzuki: Are you hiding from the ghosts too?

(In .5 seconds, Shaggy & Scooby scoot out from under the desk & hide behind Freddy. Haruto enters with Kazumi.)

Kazumi: I see you've just met Haruo & Bones Suzuki.

Shaggy: Are THEY the ghosts that are giving you problems?

Haruto: No…but if you could get rid of them for us…

Velma:…Oh boy, this looks like it's gonna be one of those days.

Kazumi: Come on, Haruto, you don't really want to get rid of those two.

Haruto: Well, let me think…actually yes I do!! I'll pay double if you get rid of these two goofballs!!

Daphne: Ok, I admit we've seen our fair share of odd things. But do you seriously expect us to believe for one minute this school is REALLY haunted?

Dejichou: Oh trust me Ms. Blake, this school is truly haunted. I outta know, I'm one of them. (Floats into the air.)

Fred: ….right. C'mon, where's the wire? (Passes hand over Dejichou's head.) What the---hey no wire!

Velma: He has to be a hologram, see? (Puts her arm through his chest.)

Dejichou: Hey, that tickles! Wow, I haven't seen those type of glasses in years! (Puts on Velma's glasses)

Fred: O_O""""""

Daphne: No,, this can't be right…

Velma: ….

Shaggy: Like, he really IS a ghost!!

Haruto: See, what did I tell you?

Kazumi: So, can you help us?

Shaggy: Like, me & Scooby would, but we've got an appointment to keep. BACK IN THE USA!!

Scooby: Yeah! Back home!

Shaggy: So, I'm sorry to say we have to leave right away. (Ms. Hanako comes in, wearing her usual outfit…which isn't very much.)

Hanako: Oh won't you please help us? Please, please, pretty please? (Shaggy develops a nosebleed after staring at Miss Hanako's….well you know, for too long.)

Shaggy: On second thought, maybe I could help out just a little.

Scooby: Whoa…(faints)

Kazumi: Poor dog, too much stimulation will do that to you.

Haruto: You ought to know.

Kazumi: Huh?

Haruto: Nothing! So, where do you want to start?

Fred: Velma, are you all right?

Daphne: Velma? Yoo-hoo!

Velma: …HOLY LIVING SHIT!! DEJICHOU'S A REAL FREAKING GHOST!! AND I PUT MY HAND THROUGH HIM!!! ACCKK!!!  
Haruto: She'll be ok?

Fred: How come you didn't try any exorcising services?

Kazumi: Believe me, no spirit hunters in all of Japan want to come here.

Fred: Seriously! You've got to be joking?

Haruto: Really. Believe me.

Fred: Well, let me try. (Takes out his cell phone & dials a number.)

Operator: Moshi-moshi! Thank you for calling Daimon Exorcism Services, the best ghost handlers in all of Japan! We've currently out of service in Nerima due to a high volume of supernatural activity. How can I help you?

Fred: Yes, I request an exorcism to be performed!

Operator: Very well sir, now where would you like our experts to go to?

Fred: Saito High School.

Operator: …Sa-Saito High School! 

Fred: Yes.

Operator: EEEEKKKKKK! IN THE NAME OF KAMI-SAMA, NO!!!! NOT THAT NUTHOUSE!

Fred: ^^'''

Kazumi: No dice, huh?

Fred: Fortunately, I've got a handy number on speed dial. (Activates speed dial.)

Strangely Familiar Voice: Welcome to H.Y's Hotline For The Desperate. I'll take care of any threats to the public with extreme prejudice. How may I help you?

Fred: I need you to take care of a job for me.

H.Y.: Oh, hello Fred. Is that guy from 'Josie & The Pussycats' after Daphne again? My associate would have killed him, but his detonation devices tend to fail 99% of the time. (Duo appears over Shaggy's shoulder.)

Duo: Very funny, Perfect Soldier!

Fred: I need you to do an exorcism.

Heero: Ok. State location.

Fred: Saito High School.

Heero:…Sorry, but only a complete idiot (Duo) would attempt an exorcism at that place. Never contact me about it again.

Fred: But…

Heero: Omae O Korosu.

Fred: OK… so much for him.

Duo: Wait, can I borrow that for a minute. (Duo grabs the cell phone & pages someone.)

Haruto: What did you just….

Duo: Let's just say that Heero will be receiving a visitor in 3,2,1…

(A second later, Wing Zero zooms past the window as Relena is giving chase.)

Relena: HEEROOOOOO!!! COME BACK &KILL ME!!!

(Cut to hallways of Saitou. The Scooby gang is talking with Haruto, Kazumi & Asahina.)

Fred: So, from what you're telling us, the ghosts always seem to pop up in the afternoon?

Haruto: Yeah, especially when students are trying to relax & study. I envy them…

Daphne: They might be after something in the school itself.

Asahina: I doubt it. All the artifacts in the school have either some curse on it or is occupied by a spirit.

Shaggy: Really?

Asahina: Yeah, like that statue of Yoshimune over there! (Points to the statue with a student looking at it.)

Velma: Looks normal to me.

Kazumi: Yeah, but every time someone touches the hilt of the sword…

(The student touches the hilt of the sword. Instantly, a giant fortune cat statue falls on top of the student's head.)

Velma: Ouch!

Student: It's ok. It helped get that crick out of my neck.

Shaggy: …ok. So like, what kind of ghosts are they.

Haruto: Hmmm, well, the only description I've got is that they wear robes.

Fred: Ok, let's split up. Daphne & I will—

Shaggy: NOT SO FAST!! Fred, this game plan of yours we've been using since we started out…it stinks! First, why are you always sticking me with Scooby? And why do you ALWAYS insists on going off with Daphne 98% of the time?

Velma: That is a good question.

Fred: Oh,…

Daphne: Well…

Fred: Some teams just work better in certain groups.

Daphne: Yeah.

Asahina: You sure it has nothing to do with you two finding some place to make out while those three do all the hard work? Or should I take this train of thought to more adult levels?

Fred: C'mon, lets just split up like usual.

Shaggy: I think someone might take issue with that.

Fred: Who?

Shaggy & Kazumi: Him! (Points to Kairi, who's standing behind Fred, wielding a huge scythe.)

Kairi: DON'T….GO…WITH…DAPHNE!

Fred: ^^'''''….OK, new plan! Lets have all the girls go in one group & all the guys in another group. We'll check one side of the school while you check the other side.

Asahina: Sounds good to me!

Shaggy: That is something I can work with!

(Cut to the boy's locker room. Fred, Shaggy, Haruto, Kazumi & Scooby are looking inside the lockers.)

Fred: What are we looking for?

Haruto: Just see if you can spot anything unusual.

Shaggy (Opens locker): Nope nothing

Fred (Opens locker): No clues

Kazumi (Opens locker to find some poor sop with his head cut off & pieces of glass shoved into his mouth): Um, nothing unusual.

Haruto (Opens locker to find a guy in the shadows.): And you are…

???: Ryu? Is that you? It's me man, TLW!! Strider Taylor almost killed me! Save me, you who is superior in all ways to SNK!

(Quite suddenly, a giant boulder crushes the locker)

Haruto: Nothing strange here.

Scooby (Opens locker to see a giant ghost with robes & a hood on): Uh oh! (All the guys rush over to see the ghost.)

Haruto: That's one of them!

Shaggy: Like, total spooky druid man! (A druid appears next to Shaggy.)

Druid: Now see here, chap! Our religion has been getting a bad rap for centuries, no thanks to narrow mined, elitist Christian groups who think that anything not conforming to their ways is the devil's handiwork. We are a community of nature lovers who promote harmony with Earth & it's inhabitants & specializes in healing the sick. So kindly refrain from generalizing us with other demented cults like Branch Davidians, Heaven's Gate & Reverend Moon's church! You're almost as bad as L. Brent Bozell III (walks off)

Haruto. Ok…

Fred: Let's grab him!

Shaggy: Freddy, like he's a ghost! How in the blue hell do you grab a ghost?

Kazumi: Look, he's taking off his hood!

Ghost:: How are you gentlemen?

Kazumi: It…it can't be!

Haruto: It is!!

Fred: Oh holy living @#$%!

Cats: All your school are belong to us! You are on the path to destruction!

Shaggy: Make a run for it!

Fred: AGREED!!

(All the guys run out of the locker room, slamming the door shut behind them.)

Haruto: I never expected to see…him!

Fred: This is more serious than I thought!

Kazumi: What the hell's going on here?

(Cut to a nearby hilltop. Someone is watching.)

???: Soon, very soon, Scooby…I will make my mark upon the world & exact my vengeance!

(Who is behind the mysterious & extremely annoying ghosts? What will the gang do to counter it? Does Velma totally dig girls?)

Velma: Hey! (Flies in with Sandrock.) Care to repeat that?

(Uh…stay tuned…. Now if you'll excuse me, I must run for my life!)


	2. Riceballs A GoGo

Not Your Ordinary Mystery

Chapter 2: Riceballs a Go-Go

by Kairi Taylor

(Kairi is sitting in a room with a CD player with Ukyo, Velma & Fred.)

Kairi: WHOO!!! Sweet man, I finally got my hands on a 'Einhander' OST!!!

Ukyo: Cool! 

Fred: Einhander? What the heck is that?

Velma: It was a quasi-3D shooter game made by Squaresoft for the Playstation in the late 90's. The only one that the company produced.

Fred: Oh, I remember that game. It was lame!!! It wasn't as cool as Tomb Raider.

(Suddenly, Kairi's head becomes huge & ghostlike as he confronts Fred.)

Kairi: FOOLISH MORTAL!!!! YOU DARE SPEAK ILL OF ONE OF THE BEST SHOOTERS EVER TO GRACE KAMI-SAMA'S WORLD?! BE FRTUNATE THAT COMPANIES SUCH AS SQUARE & KONAMI ARE STILL AROUND TO PROVIDE ENTERTAINMENT TO YOU!!! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY SKILLESS PLAYERS HAVE RUINED FIGHTING GAMES? SO YOU NOT SEE THE DOWNFALL OF 2D ACTION GAMES BECAUSE HORMORNAL MALES SUCH AS YOURSELF PREFER POLYGONS & FLASH OVER SUBSTANCE?!

Ukyo: Ok, settle down boy, no need to get into a homicidal rage.

Kairi: Oh, ok. 

Fred: ...psycho. (leaves.)

Velma: All right, now where were we? Oh yes, when we last left this story, Saito HS was beset by weird ghostly beings. We now join the mystery in progress.

The Darkness Comes.....

Kairi: Um....are you looking for the 'Eternal Darkness' set?

Alexandra Roivas: Yes.

Kairi: Down the hall, to your right, next to the snack machine.

(Saito HS cafeteria. Daphne, Velma & Asahina are checking around for clues.)

Daphne: Say, Velma...

Velma: Yes?

Daphne: I've known you for quite awhile...like it was 30 years or something...

Asahina: Really?

Daphne: Yes...anyway, there's something I always wanted to ask you.

Velma: I knew this would happen someday. Look, I know it is something that has bugged us since we started, but let me set the record straight...NO, neither Shaggy or Scooby take any narcotics that I know of, especially marijuana. Sure, he looks like he's stoned & SURE, he's a bit of a mess, but he's just a part time slacker, nothing more, nothing less.

Daphne: ...no, not that one.

Asahina: Although he is weird enough.

Daphne: I mean the OTHER question.

Velma: Oh...well, in that case...Scrappy's not mine. That's just a sick rumor some internet freak came up with. 

Daphne: Dear God NO!!! Not that. Who would think of that?

(Cut to random internet artist house.)

Artist: Uh yes, can I help you? (We see Moltar, Birdman & Thundercleese are at the door.)

Moltar: Yeah, you can answer this question for us...

Thundercleese: Answer truthfully or face the wrath of THUNDERCLEESE!

Birdman: Did you draw this photo? (Holds up a blurred photo. Hey, this is a PG-13 rated story.)

Artist: Yeah.

Moltar: That's all we needed to here. (Birdman & Thundercleese blast the hell out of him.)

Brak: Hi, my name is Brak!!

(Back to Saito.)

Asahina: Ok, so what's the big question you wanna ask?

Daphne: Are you a little...(makes a hand gesture.)

Velma: What to you mean a little...(mimics hand gesture.)

Daphne: _You know._

Velma: No, I don't.

Daphne: Ok...let me try again. Velma, are you...a little bit...different.

Velma: Let's see, I wear glasses, I'm not as tall as you, I don't wear makeup, what do you think?

Asahina: Sah...Daphne-chan, I think I know where you're going with this. Let me test it. Red Kamen, come on out. (Red Kamen appears before them.)

R. Kamen: You called?

Daphne: (glows beet red, but Velma remains the same) Oh, uh...hello handsome. 

Asahina: Ah, I see...thank you, Red Kamen, that will be all.

R. Kamen: Ok.

Asahina: This proves it..you my dear...(strikes dramatic pose) HAVE A SHOTA COMPLEX!!!

Ryu: Why would Velma be interested in me?

Asahina: I said 'shota', not shoto. And if I remember, your style is not even called shotokan by Capcom of Japan, Ryu.

Ryu: I know. (leaves.)

Velma: Where's Sakura?

Daphne: (whispering) She's using Relena's stalking technique #345: hiding in his house with a giant teddy bear. 

Velma: Oh.

Asahina: Anyway, there's one other logical conclusion...you're an android.

Daphne: Before we add a real bad DBZ reference, no, she's not.

Velma: Right. 

Daphne: She's just a lesbian.

Velma: Oro?

Daphne: Oh come on, it's pretty obvious. You have no desire to dress feminine, no interest in boys....

Velma: First off, I think this knee high skirt is VERY feminine...

Daphne: And then there's this! (Holds up sheet.)

Velma: That is...

Daphne: A log of how many times someone has gained access to the following websites on the Mystery Machine's laptop: The Melissa Etheredge fan club, the Amanda Bearse homepage, Birkenstock, the Daphne Blake Swimsuit homepage...(a caption scrools on screen that says 'Caution: Male Silliness Ratio is rising from Frat Boy to Blatant Ecchi Humor.') And I doubt it was Fred.

Asahina: Well, I dunno, that ascot looks a bit...out there.

Velma: Just because Kevin Smith parodied it in a movie doesn't mean it is really true.

Daphne: Ok, then let's ask a few people who would be experienced in this...

(Cut to Angelo talking with Jessie & James.)

Angelo: Why was Generation X...oh!! Right. Well, what do you guys think?

Jessie: Bleh...no fashion sense. But she could be gay.

James: I think she's hot!! Look at her!

Meowth: Oh, stop acting! We all know you're about as heterosexual as Richard Simmons!

James: I am not like him!

(Angelo talks with Kevin Smith.)

Angelo: So?

Kevin: We've all been following that cartoon for quite awhile. I think we know the answer.

Magnolia Fan: Clerks the cartoon sucked ass!! (Kevin strikes him down with the Blunt Saber.)

(Angelo talks with Vega & Benimaru.)

Angelo: Well....

Benimaru:  FOR THE VERY LAST TIME I AM NOT GAY NOR DO I DESIRE THE COMPANY OF SHEEP GODDAMNIT!!!!

Vega: Ok, ok, I'm gay, happy. I am full blown Sid Caesar type gay. And I simply adore showtunes. Happy?

(Back to the regular story.)

Daphne: Well...

Velma: Look, we have a mystery to solve & talking about my sexual preference is not going to take care of it any faster. Besides plenty of guys find me hot.

Daphne: Well, I think it makes sense, since you keep on asking me why I go off with Fred when we're investigating.

Asahina: Why do you do it anyway?

Daphne: To make out of course. There I said it, satisfied?

Velma: ...alright, if it makes you any happier...YES. I am a lesbian.

Asahina: See, it's not so hard to admit.

Velma: What tipped you off?

Daphne: Tuesday.

Velma: 0_0...I could've sworn no one was around when we went to the Mystery Machine. Just how long were you there?

Daphne: 40 minutes.

Asahina: Ok, enough of that. We're giving too many fanboys out there WAY too much info than before. Besides, who knows how much trouble the writer has gotten into...

(Kairi's office. Kairi is barricading the office door as Mature & Vice look on.)

Parent: YOU CORRUPTED MY SON WITH YOUR SMUT!!!

Preacher: You have committed a vile sin!!

Homophobe: (The hell I'll repeat what that bigot said!)

L. Brent Bozell: You are leading our children down a moral sewer!!

Kairi: HEY! It's not my fault I have an open mind.

Mature: Well, we were wondering...

Vice: Can you do a _yuri_ story with us? You did one for Relena & Dorothy

Kairi: Hasn't the ecchi content gone over the acceptable level? Besides, you could always ask Shingo for that.

Shingo: Do I look like New Edge Sonic? Get that hentai freak Smash Daisaku to do it for you!!

Smash: Well...

Kairi: NO!! I don't want any of that traced back to me!

(Back to Saito.)

Daphne: This cafeteria is much different from the ones I remember.

Asahina: Well, Japanese students mainly eat their lunch in their own classrooms. But, we have them just in case students need to eat.

Velma: What have you learned about the ghosts so far?

Asahina: Only one thing: They are really, really annoying.

Daphne: I see.

Asahina: They mostly disrupt classes & harass people who are trying to get some work done. (Suddenly, a couple of lunchladies rush out of the kitchen.)

Lunchlady 1: No, KEEP AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!!!!

Lunchlady: It's unnatural I say, UNNATURAL!!

Daphne: Speak of the devil.

Velma: Let's see what it is!

(The girls rush into the kitchen. A cloaked & hooded ghost appears.)

Velma: Is that a wraith?

Asahina: And if so, will it look like Charlie Sheen?

Daphne: I hope so.

????: Need to...

Velma: What is it saying?

Asahina: Wait a sec, I've heard that voice before...

????: NEED TO MAKE A COLLECT CALL TO YOUR FELLOW HIGH SCHOOL HOTTIES?!

Daphne: NO!! (Carrot Top removes his hood.)

Carrot Top: Then dial down the center with 1-800-CALL-ATT!!! That's 1-800--(Asahina violently assaults Carrot Top with a mallet.)

Asahina: RETURN TO THE DEPTHS OF JIGOKU, YOU VILE ONI OF AMERICAN MASS MEDIA!!! DIE DAMN YOU, DIE!!!!!

Velma: And you wonder why I don't like guys.

Daphne: Brrr....tie him up until we figure out what's going on here.

(Back with the guys...)

Haruto: Did you see which way that ghost went?

Girl in the Mirror: It went that way, Haruto-kun. (points east.)

Haruto: Arigato!

Fred: What's that place?

Haruto: That leads outside to the baseball field, where our team practices.

Shaggy: Looks like it's all clear over there.

Scooby: Reah!

Kazuki: Not really. The baseball field has it's ghosts  as well. 

Freddy: What do these ghosts do?

Haruto: What else? Play baseball.

(the males watch as a bunch of ragged looking ninja & samurai ghosts arrive onto the field & play a bunch of tom nooks.)

Shaggy: Hey, like giant baseball playing raccoons!

Fred: This is one odd school.

Haruto: Well, the only reason they would play here is if Lord Enma rented out the place.so he could watch.

Fred: WHAT?! LORD ENMA HIMSELF?!!!!!

Shaggy: Freddy, calm down, nothing to get yourself excited over.

Fred: Didn't you ever remember all that stuff we learned in that mythology course we took?

Kazuki: You mean you don't remember?

Shaggy: I majored in sleeping 101.

Fred: Shaggy, Lord Enma is the main ruler of the netherworld!

Shaggy: Oh...in that case...(almost walks off, but Haruto holds him by the collar.)

Haruto: Hey hotshot, if I can't take the easy way out of this case, neither can you.

Shaggy: Nuts.

Haruto: Besides, I think I may have found a clue that can help you.

Fred: Usually, we are the first to find the clues.

Haruto: Well I found it first. So there.

Shaggy: Like, what did you find?

Haruto: This was on the floor near the entrance to the field. (Holds up a Xeroxed piece of paper.)

Fred: Hey, it looks like the blueprints to a basement or something.

Kazuki: Hey, this is the blueprint for the basement.

Fred: But why would anyone want that?

Haruto: They must be after one thing...

Kazuki: My hentai video stash?

Haruto: ...(stares at Kazuki)

Kazuki: What? Like you actually think no one knows about the stash you keep hidden underneath your locker.

Haruto: I was talking about the OTHER item that is hidden in the basement.

Fred: Wait, can we hear more about that stash? You know, for investigative purposes?

Haruto: No, we need to get to the basement pronto! (leads the guys into the basement)

Fred: How about a sneak preview?

Haruto: No.

Shaggy: A litle peak a least?

Haruto: No can do.

Kazuki: At least let them see the back of the boxes.

Haruto: Negative:

Scooby:...Ruh uh. Rot rintrested!

(Meanwhile, the girls, with the insistence of Velma, finish interrogating Carrot Top using a new technique.)

Velma: (wiping the blood off the tip of her golf club.) Well, that was very informative.

Daphnie: Since when did we have to use stuff like that to get information. (drops baseball bat.)

Velma: Since I got tired of being chased around by idiots in masks. Why do you think we solved the last case so easily? 

Daphne: True...but after smashing the glass plate over his head, did you have to apply a Japanese arm bar?

Asahina: (picking a tooth off the floor.) Well, at any rate, we know now what they are after. We need to get it away from here as soon as possible.

(a hilltop somewhere.)

????: Soon Mystery Inc. I will finally have my revenge! Then you will---

Red Herring: Uh, excuse me Scrappy?

Scrappy: GODFREAKIN'DAMNIT RED!! Now the audience knows who we are! Thanks Mr. Killjoy. (turns to the guys at his table.) And for the love of all things decent, why the hell are we set up on a hilltop?

Jessie: Umm...

James: We don't know.

Cats: You have no chance to survive, make your time.

Red: Hmmm, pickles.

K9999: STOP GIVING ME ORDERS!!!

Scrappy: ....(pushes a button. Red, Cats & K9999 are sent into an abyss.) I'm surrounded by frickin' idiots!!! That's it, I'm calling in some favors!

Jessie: I  guess that leaves us.

James: The things we do for a commission.

_What artifact is the mysterious villian, who we now know is Scrappy Doo, after? Who will reach the basement first? Will the Yankees ever fix their pitching? And can anything kill the Grimace?_

Police Chief: Nothing can kill the Grimace!!

_What to expect in the next part: more jumble insanity, less Kevin Smith references, more frat boy humor, no hot steaming yuri scenes featuring either Velma, Mature or Vice..._

Vice: DAMN!!!

Mature: Oh well.

_...and no fooling around with good taste._


End file.
